The word “Marriage” will certainly make many youngsters sport an inevitable smile on their faces. Marriage is an art of connecting the souls and I presume that young hearts are almost in a smiling mood by now. So are you getting married? Congratulations! May God bless you and bring you and your chosen partner together for a happy and prosperous life.
Marriage is such an important step that our beloved Prophet Muhammed (peace be upon him) regarded it as “half the faith”.
We get to see so many articles related to this subject that I believe will help young couples all set to take this responsibility in their life. Leaving one’s childhood and teenage behind and going on to become a husband or a wife is the most important transformation in one’s life. It is also a social necessity because it is through marriage, that families are established! The issues related to marriage can be seen in their true light only if they are viewed in a very rational and divine perspective.
Being a Muslim, In Muslim families, the parents or guardians of any of the parties may give advice, choose a marriage partner or use persuasion but the final decision to enter into a marriage is the free choice of each partner. Even though the marriage commitment is for life, it so happens that after marriage the two partners find it impossible to live together. The Islamic law provides for the termination of the marriage contract. The most important thing to be noted here, is what Prophet Muhammed (pbuh) said: “The thing which is lawful, but most disliked by Allah (God) is divorce”
One of the most essential aspects of marriage is commitment and acceptance. During the first few years the couple spends time getting to know each other better and adjusting to each other's habits and personalities which is the most challenging period of any marriage. Marriage is also the most demanding testing ground of faith. Couples strive hard to get their marriage on the right track and whoever do so are indeed on their road to paradise. The marriage itself then becomes an act of worship.
Having a very realistic outlook on marriage is also very important. A boy meets a girl, they fall in love, they live happily ever after. This is an imaginary and unrealistic plot of many a Hollywood and Bollywood movie. In real life, it is quite different, where it takes an entire lifetime to understand each other. Couple may enter marriage with high-flying romantic ideas but to make marriage successful, it is vital that you take into consideration the needs and the nature of your partner.
People are not perfect. We all have shortcomings. A spouse might not be aware of the shortcomings of his/her partner before marriage, but certainly they will pick up this awareness soon afterwards. It is not the failure of marriage, but in reality it is the inability to tackle their own shortcomings.
In initial days of marriage husband and wife are like visitors from two different planets (some might joke that they are aliens) as they might not be speaking the same language or exhibit same course of actions or not looking into problems in the same perspective. Therefore, emphasize most on the positive qualities of your spouse. Again the best quote or saying I can give is from Prophet Muhammed (pbuh) where he said: “A believing man should not have any malice against a believing woman. He may dislike one characteristic in her, but may find another in her which is pleasing." same goes vice versa!
Some people have their own ideas of a dream lover. They never realize that the dream person does not exist beyond their own fantasies. Those who do not see unpleasant details before marriage will certainly have to face them later. Love and romance die out very quickly when we have to deal in the real world.
One more quality to adhere in marriage is patience. In early days of marriage, most of the young couple are often impatient to have all the things which they had in their parents’ home which is obviously unreasonable unless your partner is wealthy. In this case you have to look into the life of your parents who took a lifetime to assemble all these worldly things which you were enjoying.
Some of the diminutive facts such as some husbands complain their wives cannot cook like their mother... Does he know how well his mother cooked when she got married? Sometimes newlywed wives complain that their husbands are not bringing enough money like their fathers used to get. But does she know how her father struggled when he got married? If you have got everything without working for it, you will never value it, nor will you be thankful for it.
Respect can never be gained by simply telling someone that I respect you but has to be earned by the way you speak and the way you deal with your spouses. Therefore, it is vital for a wife to respect her husband and for a husband in turn to respect his wife. Also, spending quality time together will strengthen the relationship.
It is very rational to take into consideration the financial stability before accepting the commitment of marriage. Though it is not necessary to have millions of rupees, one must have at least some savings and good earnings to run a family. Financial issues in relationship can be easily resolved when each partners share and be aware of responsibilities of finances and be involved in it.
Dowry system is one of the wicked practices we have incorporated in marriage. It is also one of the many reasons that have left many marriages unsuccessful. In other words, we can say it is easiest way to grab the worldly possession through in-laws. This practice will put us in lowest of the low in the social order. This issue has been such a huge unsocial disorder that now we can write several pages of articles on it.
Lastly, I have been thinking of writing on this subject for quite some time. Therefore, I have referred some articles to produce this small perspective which I believe is still not complete and comprehensive. Since I’m still in my bachelorhood and have not yet climbed the boat, I have a long way to understand and experience the fundamental nature of marriage! Like a professional says “experience counts”.
My best advice to readers is: Approach marriage in a positive manner and be faithful to your spouse and to the sacred relationship!
I quote the following verses from holy Quran which is very comprehensive and true:
Among Allah’s Signs is this: that “He created for you spouses from among yourselves, so that you might find rest in them; and He Has set between you love and compassion. Truly there are signs in this for people who reflect” (Quran 30:21)
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