Growing up Afghanistan: ‘My parents were told to swap me for a boy’

Agencies
December 1, 2018

Kabul, Dec 1: When Nargis Taraki became the fifth girl born to her parents in Afghanistan, her parents were told they should swap her with another baby in the village.

Now 21, she has made it her life ambition to prove they were right to keep her.

Nargis now campaigns for women's education and empowerment in her home country, and is one of the BBC's 2018 100 Women, according to a BBC News report.

"In 1997, I opened my eyes to the world as my parents' fifth child, and their fifth girl," said Nargis.

"My father's sister, and other relatives, immediately put pressure on my mum to agree to my father taking a second wife. Taking a second or even third wife is not uncommon in Afghanistan, and is sometimes done because they believe a new wife could mean a new chance to have a male child."

When she refused, they suggested that my father swap me for a boy. They even found a family in the village who was willing to give their boy away and take me.

Swapping children is not something that is part of our culture, and I haven't heard of it happening before, but boys are more valued in Afghan society as the traditional family breadwinners.

"People deliberately said things to upset my mother and make her feel inferior for not having a son. Despite her refusal to part ways with me, some elders still kept approaching my father. But he had a completely different mentality. He told them he loved me, and he would one day prove to them that a daughter can achieve everything a son can.

"It was not an easy time for my father. He had a military background and a history of service in the previous Soviet-backed regime, and my native district at the time was controlled by people with religious or fundamentalist tendencies.

"So certain people in the village used to detest him and did not socialise with us.

But my father believed in what he said, and he always stood by his word. Although there was pressure on my parents to swap me because I was a girl, it was a man who had the most positive impact on my character.

"Things got worse for us after Taliban militants took control of our district. In 1998, my father had to flee to Pakistan and soon after that we joined him there.

"Life there was not easy - but he managed to get work as a manager in a shoe factory. Perhaps the best thing to happen to my parents whilst in Pakistan was that they finally had a son, followed by my fifth sister.

"In 2001, we all returned to Kabul after the Taliban regime was toppled. We didn't have a house of our own and had to live with my uncles. My sisters and I managed to keep going to school despite conservatism in our culture.

"I went on to study public policy and administration at Kabul University and graduated two years ago with the highest marks for that year. Throughout that time my father never stopped supporting me.

"A couple of years ago I went to watch a cricket game in Kabul with my sister. There weren't many women in the stadium and our photographs and videos were circulated on social media. People started criticising us and leaving negative comments, saying we were shameless to be in a stadium amongst men. Others said we were trying to spread adultery and were being paid by the Americans.

"When my father saw some of the comments on Facebook, he looked at me and said: "My dear. You have done the right thing. I am glad you have annoyed some of these idiots. Life is short. Enjoy it as much as you can."

"My father died of cancer earlier this year. In him, I lost someone whose constant support made me into the person that I am today, and I know he will always be with me.

"Three years ago I tried to open a school for girls in my native village in Ghazni. I talked to my father about it and he said it would be almost impossible because of cultural boundaries, and even boys have difficulties because of the security situation. My father thought giving it a name of a religious madrassa might have improved our chances.

"In the end I was unable to travel to my native village because it was simply too dangerous. One of my sisters and I still hope to achieve this goal one day.

"In the meantime, I volunteered for several years for NGOs in that part of the world, working for women's education, health and empowerment.

I've also presented talks on a girl's right to go to school, university and to get a job.

"I've always dreamed of studying at the University of Oxford one day. When I look at international university rankings I always find Oxford in first or second position, and when I compare that with Kabul University I feel a bit sad - although that's not to say I'm not thankful I was able to go.

"I love to read in my spare time - an average of two to three books a week - and Paolo Coelho is my favourite author.

"In terms of marriage, I would like to choose someone myself and my family have given me permission to marry someone of my own choice.

"It would be great if I can find someone who has the same qualities as my father. I would want to spend the rest of my life with someone who has a similar attitude - who can support me and stand by my choices.

"Family is also important - sometimes you marry the best man out there but then you cannot adapt to his family.

"They will have to support me in what I want to do in my life. If they resist then I will try and change their minds. I believe in what I want to achieve in life and will not compromise.

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News Network
November 27,2025

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Bengaluru: The Vokkaligara Sangha on Thursday issued a stern warning to the Congress, saying the party could face serious electoral repercussions if Deputy Chief Minister D.K. Shivakumar is not appointed as Chief Minister.

The warning follows the public backing of Shivakumar’s chief ministerial ambition by top Vokkaliga pontiff Nirmalanandanatha Swami, who urged the Congress high command to honor his claim.

“The community supported Congress in the 2023 Assembly elections only because Shivakumar had a real chance to become CM. If he is cheated, we’ll teach the party a big lesson,” said newly elected Sangha president L. Srinivas. He added that Vokkaligas would organize protests under the guidance of community leaders.

General Secretary C.G. Gangadhar pointed out that Congress won more seats in the Vokkaliga-dominated Old Mysuru region due to Shivakumar’s influence, adding, “If Congress wants to retain power, Shivakumar should be made the CM.”

Outgoing president Kenchappa Gowda emphasized Shivakumar’s contribution to Congress’ victory. “Our community voted for Congress thinking he would become CM. Siddaramaiah has also served the party well, but Shivakumar should now be given a chance,” he said.

Former general-secretary Konappa Reddy appealed to Sonia and Rahul Gandhi to recognize Shivakumar’s loyalty and service, saying, “Congress is known to keep its promises. We hope it won’t break the promise made to him.”

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News Network
December 7,2025

Mangaluru, Dec 7: A 34-year-old fruit and vegetable trader in Mangaluru has reportedly lost ₹33.1 lakh after falling victim to an online investment scam run through a fake mobile app.

Police said the scam began in September, when the victim received a link on Facebook. Clicking it connected him to a WhatsApp number, where an unidentified person introduced a high-return investment scheme and instructed him to download an app.

To build trust, the fraudster asked him to invest ₹30,000 on September 24. The trader soon received ₹34,000 as “profit,” convincing him the scheme was genuine. Over the next two months, he transferred money in multiple instalments via Google Pay and IMPS to different scanner codes and bank accounts shared by the scammers. Between September 24 and December 3, he ended up sending a total of ₹33.1 lakh.

When he later requested a refund of his investment and promised returns, the scammers demanded additional payments, claiming he needed to pay a “service tax” first. Even after he paid a small amount, no money was returned, and the scammers continued pressuring him for more.

A case has been registered at the CEN Crime Police Station.

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News Network
December 2,2025

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Bengaluru: 'Nati koli saaru' (country chicken curry) considered one of Chief Minister Siddaramaiah’s favourites along with steaming hot idlis was on the breakfast menu at Deputy CM D K Shivakumar’s residence on Tuesday, according to official sources.

The spread also included 'nati koli' fry, vada and pongal, among other items, they said.

In an apparent show of unity, Siddaramaiah visited Shivakumar’s residence for breakfast, just days after the two leaders shared a meal amid a simmering power tussle in the state Congress.

Siddaramaiah drove to the Deputy CM’s residence in Sadashivanagar, where he was received by Shivakumar and his brother D K Suresh, who is a former Congress MP.

Suresh and Kunigal MLA H D Ranganath, a relative of Shivakumar, joined them for breakfast, which featured a mix of vegetarian and non-vegetarian dishes.

Speaking to reporters later, Siddaramaiah said Shivakumar had invited him during his visit to the CM’s residence for breakfast on Saturday.

Asked about the difference between the two meals, the chief minister said, "At his (Shivakumar’s) house it was non-veg, while at my house it was veg. He is a vegetarian, I am a non-vegetarian. I had not prepared non-veg. I told DK to get chicken from the village as you won’t get the original in Bengaluru."

Shivakumar said he had initially invited Siddaramaiah to his residence, but the CM had suggested visiting his place first and reciprocating later. "It was a vegetarian breakfast at the CM’s house on Saturday," he noted.

"Today, I invited him (the CM) to my house. He enjoyed the breakfast, which had his Mysuru taste," Shivakumar added. At this point, Siddaramaiah remarked that Shivakumar’s wife is also from Mysuru.

Saturday’s breakfast at Siddaramaiah’s official residence, held as part of efforts by the Congress high command to ease tensions in the leadership dispute between the two, reportedly included idlis and sambar, according to official sources.

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